Weddings

I thought I’d start my blog on a serious but happy note (at least for some!)...weddings!

As a female, I enjoy dreaming about what my wedding would be like. I like occationally looking at pictures of other peoples weddings and gowns and reading about ways to save on certain things a wedding might need. But rarely do I really dig deep into what a wedding should or shouldn't contain. I don't pick apart each 'tradition' any typical (Baptist) wedding would have and come to terms with its true meaning and purpose. So for the sake of research, I'm going to find out. (Disclaimer: I researched this online. I’m not positive that I found reliable sources. To help you make a decision on my credibility on this topic I have attached where I got my information on the bottom of my post. I tried finding each thing I wrote on at least two separate websites, but I know that’s not error-proof.)

Here's what I have found:

Engagement Rings

• Engagement rings are coined from the Egyptians. They used the symbol as a never ending circle meaning you would have an eternal union with the one you married. They also saw it as a contract on both ends, financially for the groom and a promise from the bride. The idea was that if the man was willing to shell out the big bucks for the ring he would be serious about the relationship. On top of that it put the woman into a bind in returning the ring. In other words, the bride shouldn't accept a ring, or promise, she can't keep.
• The reason most engagement rings have diamonds in it is because of King Maximillian of Austria when he gave one to Mary of Burgundy in 1477. They became widely more popular after that based on the fact that they are considered the most enduring substance in nature.
• We all know that engagement/wedding rings go on the 'ring' finger. I found differing views on why this finger is significant. One opinion is that because it is the third finger, it is a reminder that the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost) recognizes your marriage and to treat it as such. Another belief is that it stems from the Egyptians and their interest in the human body. This finger held importance to them because the finger has a vein that runs directly to the heart. It's called the vein of love.

Something old, something new, something borrowed,something blue

Almost everyone has heard of this saying, but one thing I've learned is that there is more to the phrase. It goes "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in your shoe." This rhyme came from Victorian England, and each piece of the phrase has a significance. The reason you have something old is to remind the bride where she came from and signifies continuity. Commonly this “something old" is a gift from elders of her family. Something new is supposed to bring the bride and groom good fortune and optimism for the future to hold. Something borrowed is often given to the bride by another bride. It's supposed to give the new couple luck. The blue piece comes from the spiritual side. It symbolizes fidelity and purity. And the sixpence in your shoe is supposed to bring financial wealth and wealth of happiness into the marriage. These days it's typical to put a dime in your shoe before the ceremony.

Why White?

The apparent reason for the bride to wear white is not the only reason that the bride wears it (it symbolizes purity). "An interesting fact is that white is not used as a symbol of purity (remember, that's blue), but as a symbol of joy.” Originally brides would wear white to try to ward off evil spirits. Actually, the guests would dress like the bride in order to ‘confuse’ the
evil spirits in order to protect the bride and groom to unfortunate-ness. In biblical times, blue actually resembled purity. Back then the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom of their attire.

The Unity Candle

The side tapers are the family or individual candles. These flames represent you and your ties to your family. The middle or unity candle represents your marriage and your new family. As the two flames merge into one and can no longer be separated, so are the bride and groom joined as one in marriage. The side tapers may be blown out to represent the start of your life as a couple or remain burning to signify the continued ties to your family or the retention of your individuality.

The unity candle is not necessarily a religious symbol and is not identified with a particular religion or denomination, although religious readings or prayers may be incorporated within unity candle ceremonies.

Why can't you see the spouse?

In the distant past, most marriages were arranged. The families lived in fear that the groom would reject the bride so that’s where the veil (they used to be less see through) came from and the rule that the bride and groom couldn’t see each other before the wedding. It wasn’t until after the ring was on the finger that the veil would be removed and they could see each other.

Wedding Cakes

Traditionally the wedding cake was thrown at the bride! This was used to grant the bride fertility. According to the Roman culture, the size of the cake actually used to show how popular the bride was. The guests would often bring sheets of cake. They would place the sheets of cake on top of each other and the new glowing couple would have to try to kiss over the cake without the cakes toppling over. If they succeeded then it was supposed to bring them prosperity. In the Greek culture, cutting of the cake was important because it was supposed to be a promise of a fruitful life together. They also believed that if the bride kept a piece of cake then the husband would be faithful to her.

Tossing the Bouquet

In England it was believed that the bride could pass along her good fortune to others.

Attendants and spectators to the weddings would try to tear away pieces of the bride's clothing and flowers in hopes of gaining some of this fortune. The bride would toss her bouquet into the crowd to distract them in her attempt to get away. Thus it became commonplace for the bride to toss the bouquet and it was believed that the woman who caught it would be the next to be blessed with marriage.

Tying the Knot?

I got two seperate results for this, and haven’t been able to get a definate answer yet. The first thing I found was that this term came from the Romans. The bride would wear a girdle tied in many knots that the groom would have to untie. Then I found another take on it. Tying the Knot came from ceremonies during the Renaissance. It was related to the tradition of handfasting which was a contract between the two lovers that they had plans to get married (typically a year and a day).

What I think about it:

After researching, I at first was leery of considering partaking in some of these traditions. It amazed me that the origins of many of the traditions that many of us still have in our weddings began as either a warding off of spirits or a proof of ‘property’ or ‘business deal' to a family. I didn’t include this above, but honeymoons weren’t always a vacation spot for new couples to spend quality time with their spouse. It was a hiding place for the kidnapped wife and husband. It seemed very ‘knight in shining armour’ to me. It probably didn’t turn out that way for some wives back then, but that was my first impression.

• After thinking about it and talking to one of my close friends about it for a short period of time (sometimes it helps to hear yourself say things out loud), I figure it doesn’t really matter if I have an engagement ring or not. Just because it once was considered a proof of downpayment of a future medium to carrying on the bloodline doesn’t mean that it is today. Engagement rings are nice to look at, but I would pick a shabby $10 wedding ring and nice future with the love of my life over an expensive wedding ring AND engagement ring any day.
• As far as the something old something new... tradition I like it. It actually stems from something positive and it still holds significance to many. I’m not superstitious but I like to have sentimental reminders of what is important, and I feel this fits well with that.
• I plan on having a white dress. Not for any other reason than the fact that they are easier to come by and I already have my eyes on a dress :)
• The unity candle was actually why I started to research this subject area. My boyfriend and I have had numerous conversations about why they’re important. He didn’t understand why anyone needed one because the wedding should be the symbol. And why would we need a symbol of something inside of a symbol? (That was paraphrasing what he actually said, but it’s pretty close) So I searched and searched to try to find out what could be a good alternative that would be a better symbol of what we already were doing, getting married. (speaking in future tense) So I found something that would be a possibility. I’ve found that many couples have done washing of the feet. Instead of lighting a candle and standing awkward during a song, the bride would wash the grooms feet and vice versa. It shows that each party is humbly and admirably submitting to the other, which I feel is something important in a happy and prosperous marriage. {I haven’t brought this up to Mike yet. I figure I’ll wait until we make things ‘official’ with an engagement and start our planning of wedding-ness.
• I like the idea of not seeing your spouse-to-be. One of the weddings I was a bridesmaid of, the bride and groom exchanged gifts and notes to one another the day of the wedding. (The bridal party stayed in a hotel room...one for the groom and groomsmen and another for the brides and bridesmaids). It intrigued me, and I’d like to do something like that, but we’ll see.
• Of course, I'm going to have a wedding cake. I mean what are my guests going to think of me if I don't!? haha.
• I hate when I'm at a wedding and I have to go to the front to try to 'catch the bouquet.' It seemed so ridiculous and embarassing, and I still find it rediculous and embarrassing. I don't know how to get around it though. Suggestions?
• It was interesting what I found about what "Tying the Knot" meant. I didn't know that, and I thought I would share it with you guys. And, in case you were wondering, no, I will not tie a girdle onto me. Although, it could end up quite humourous for me.

References:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/212869/whats_the_history_behind_all_those.html?cat=23
http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/ATLAS_EN/html/history_of_marriage_in_western.html
http://www.brideandgroom.com/wedding-articles/wedding-traditions-2.asp
http://newsnet.byu.edu/story.cfm/42181/